Sacred 2:Book 4 - Table Manners and Etiquette

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From The Art of Cooking
Book 4

Table Manners and Etiquette

Much has been said and written about manners and etiquette already. And even more blunders and errors have been made. There simply is no other occasion where a lack of decent education will reveal itself more clearly than at the table. Not knowing the basic rules of etiquette is - at the least - embarrassing. Occasionally, however, it can be fatal. The infamous "Banquet of Doom", which caused the "War of the Corned Beef", is the most infamous one. Good table manners are no T-Energy science. Everybody should know how to behave at the table and everybody should be aware of the cultural differences to avoid unpleasant situations.

The first and most obvious rule when eating together with other people is: know what cutlery to use for which kind of food.

Meat does not require a fork, just cut it with your knife and eat it with your hand. Forks are there to pick up small pieces of food which are too hot to touch.

If you really must use your fork and want to scratch your back, do not use the fork you are eating with. Instead, politely ask your left or right hand neighbor if he needs his fork. Only if does indeed need it for himself are you allowed to scratch your back with your own fork.

Never clean your hands with the table cloth. There are usually cats or dogs under the tables, waiting for leftovers, Use their fur to clean your hands. If there is no animal available, you may use your clothes, hair or beard to get rid of the grease.

If you need to burp, do not burp into your food. That is considered very bad manners. Turn your head to the left or right and burp into the direction of your neighbor. If your neighbor happens to be female, excuse yourself. If he is male, lift your glass and raise a private toast to him. If it's an Orc, either beat him up, or run.

Picking your teeth with the knife is forbidden. Using the fork is not.

Giving an official toast is a delicate and complex matter. There is a predetermined order of precedence for the toasts, and even the most erudite people sometimes commit a blunder. Describing the entire process would take way too long. As a rule of thumb, the first toast always goes to the sovereign. If there is no sovereign, or if there is uncertainty about the current sovereign, the first toast goes to the noble with the highest rank. The consequent toasts should go to the host of the evening, the oldest person at the table and the one with the longest and most impressive last name.

If you are guest at an Orcish dinner, it is considered impolite to not participate in the after dinner brawl. Beating each other up is considered good for the digestion. If you refuse to take part, they assume that you did not like the food. This is an insult.

Orcs never eat vegetables or plants in general. If you see something green in an Orcish meal, it is NOT salad, it is decoration. Do not eat it if you want to avoid embarrassing moments.

If you do not like your food, quietly drop it to the floor below the table. Do not put it on your neighbor's plate when he is not watching.

Minstrels singing their silly songs during a meal can be annoying. Still, it is not appropriate to attack them. Only the weak are resorting to violence! The polite person just throws some leftover food at them.

Throwing pieces of bread, grapes or other kinds of food at the people on the other side of the table is a well known and entertaining game. But don't be excessive! Always make sure that the pieces of food are no larger than a chicken or a small duck, and that the consistency is not too soft or too hard. Also, bringing small catapults for this purpose requires a prior agreement.

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